Ten Manliest Ways to Die
October 19, 2008
Steve Irwin: Impaled by a Stingray
Is it even possible to start a manly list about anything without the Crocodile Hunter? Steve died as manly as possible on 2006, while filming a documentary entitled “Ocean’s Deadliest” in Queensland’s Great Barrier Reef. His heart was impaled by nothing less than a short-tail stingray barb. His legacy will impale us forever.
Eleazar Maccabeus: Crushed to death by a War Elephant
Here’s a guy with balls of steel, just like his whole family. During the Maccabean revolt, where Jewish people revolted against Seleucidic and Syrian rulers, Eleazar identified a war elephant that he believed to carry the Seleucid King Antiochus V –due to the special armor the elephant wore– so he decided to endanger his life by attacking the elephant and thrusting a spear into its belly. Yes, the dead elephant then collapsed upon Eleazar, killing him as well, but remained a hero for eternity.
Empedocles: Jumped into a Volcano
Diogenes Laërtius records the legend that pre-Socratic philosopher Empedocles died by throwing himself into an active volcano (Mount Etna in Sicily), so that people would believe his body had vanished and he had turned into an immortal god; however, the volcano threw back one of his bronze sandals, revealing the deceit. Another legend has it that he threw himself in the volcano to prove to his disciples that he was immortal; he believed he would come back as a god among man after being devoured by the fire. Ok, it didn’t work, but here we are talking about him, which makes him inmortal in a way.
J. G. Parry-Thomas: Died breaking a Speed Record
In 1927, the Welsh racing driver J. G. Parry-Thomas was trying to regain his own world land speed record that had been broken just weeks earlier by Malcolm Campbell on the same beach of Pendine Sands. His car, Babs, used exposed chains to connect the engine to the drive wheels while the high engine cover required him to drive with his head tilted to one side – the right. On his final run the right-hand drive chain broke at a speed of 171 mph (270 km/h), setting a new record, but partially decapitating him as well.
Thích Quang Duc: Lit himself on Fire to make a point
Ok, we agree this wasn’t the best way to protest, but he made his point. On 1963, Thích Quang Duc, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, sat down in the middle of a busy intersection in Saigon, covered himself in gasoline, and lit himself on fire, burning himself to death. He was protesting President Ngo Dinh Diem’s administration for oppressing the Buddhist religion.
Kenji Urada: Killed by a Robot
After working on a broken robot at a Japanese Kawasaki plant, 37-year old Kenji Urada forgot to turn it off. Big mistake! The Robot woke up, said “hasta la vista”, and pushed him into a grinding machine with its hydraulic arm. Ok, he died, that’s awful, but we’ll always remember him as the man who second man ever to be killed by a Robot. And by the way, the first ever, Robert Williams, went to hit himself with the robot; not manly enough for our list.
Les Harvey: Killed by Rock and Roll
Out of all music styles, only Rock and Roll is manly enough to kill you. On 1972, scottish guitarist of Stone the Crows, Les Harvey, was rocking his guitar on stage with his band at the Top Rank Bingo club in Swansea, and then, rock and roll took his life: he was electrocuted by touching an unearthed microphone with wet hands.
Félix Faure: Killed by Sex
In 1899, French president Félix Faure died of a stroke while in his office. That’s the official story, but it is popularly believed that he died in the arms of his 30-year-old mistress Marguerite Steinheil, while receiving oral sex. Au revoir!
Georg Richmann: Killed by a Ball Lightning
Yeah, that’s right. Richmann was a German physicist living in Russia. On 1753, created a kite flying apparatus similar to the one built by Benjamin Franklin a year earlier. He was attending a meeting of the Academy of Sciences when he heard thunder, and ran home with his engraver to capture the event for posterity. While the experiment was underway, ball lightning appeared and collided with Richmann’s forehead. He died, but we’ll always remember him as the man who stood manly in the way of electricity.
Franz Reichelt: Fell to his death from Eiffel Tower while testing his invention
For being man enough to test his own invention and for giving us that AWESOME video, Franz Reichelt is number ten in our list. Reichelt (alias the flying tailor) designed an overcoat to fly or float its wearer gently to the ground like the modern parachute. To demonstrate his invention he made a jump of 60 meters from the first deck of the Eiffel Tower, at that time the tallest man-made structure in the world. The parachute failed and Reichelt fell to his death. But we’ll always remember him for this video.